not Just an other self insert
by Bolondka
Summary: You think it can only happen to others. You are wrong, you are the next!  SI story, inspired by CPunchMaster and Some Random.   Force save the Exile! from me
1. Chapter 1

**Hi folks!**

**Yeah, don't be surprised, this is an other self insert story, highly inspired by CPunchMaster and my dear beta, Some Random. You rock guys! **

**Anyway, I hope I can show you something new. A little irony here a little "moron-y" there and smack it with a frying pan. If that makes sense.**

**So let's sta...wait wait wait... I forgot a few things.**

**I'm new to this story-writing-thing-in-English (I'm a Hungarian), but I'm open to all criticism, be it flame or a helpful review. (I like the later the better) Be gentle, this is my first time.**

**Fast disclaimer: I own only myself (mostly) everything else belongs to the proper people/companies, like Lord Lucas, Obsidian Entertainment, Bioware... etc.**

**Rated "M" for language. For now**

**Now let's see how the sh*t hit the fan.:**

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><p>'Hey, wake up...' I heard a voice and felt gentle fingers lightly shaking my shoulders. There's no way I'm waking up. I've just worked twelve hours and only slept about four before that. <em>Find somebody else, I'm going back to sleep... <em>

'Come on, you have to get up! I know you're awake.' I heard the voice again. If I were paying attention I would have found it strange hearing a woman's voice waking me up, considering I live with four more guys in a house where I rent a room for myself alone.

'Leave me alone. I'm tired.' I replied finally in a sleepy weak voice, but opened my eyes into narrow slits to get them used to the light. I was lying on my back all wet, my hair and underwear stuck to my skin. It was definitely not the way I went to bed.

Suddenly I sprung up and hit my face into something. I lay back with a groan, clutching my nose. I already hated this morning. I was seeing stars from head butting somebody who happened to be hovering over me as she tried to wake me up, and now she was next to me on the ground holding her head. At least that's what I felt, because my eyes were still fighting with the strong light and the fresh tears from the pain in my nose.

'Stop jumping around damn it!' She said, slowly getting up on her arms and knees, gently removing my hand covering my face. I could see her face finally. She was a young looking woman with short black hair, and somewhat pretty face.

While she inspected my nose, I kept staring at her face, checking out her delicate features. She seemed to have soft, pale-pink lips, cute little nose and deep blue eyes.

'You're going to be all right.' She said finally and stood up. I couldn't help but let my eyes roam over her half-naked, athletic body, clad only in some kind of formfitting white top and shorts. She was still wet, making her short hair stick to her forehead and her clothes almost see-through. _And the cold air wasn't helping either... Oh man I'm such a pervert... _When my eyes went back to her face, I met with her annoyed look. 'Keep your eyes in their sockets geez.'

'Yeah, sorry, it's just...' I was blushing madly and wanted to come up with something but she just rolled her eyes and waved dismissively.

'I'm just glad you're okay. It took a while to get you out of that tank. I wasn't sure you were gonna... never mind.'

`You weren't sure I was gonna what?' I asked raising a brow, not quite understanding what she meant.

'Look, your life signs were weak, but stable. I thought it's better to get you out of there, because something is odd here.' She looked around, inspecting the big mechanical door at the end of the corridor. It appeared to be stuck, with the locking mechanism spraying sparks on the floor.

'Yeah, definitely.' I looked around in this futuristic room, spotting five tanks. Three were full of some liquid and a person was floating inside each of them, while the two other were empty, one just a foot away from me. 'By the way, where are we?'

'I was hoping to get that answer from you.' She replied, holding out her hand to help me up. I accepted it and was soon standing near her, looking around.

'Well, I can't help you. I don't even know how I've got here, wherever here is. And who are you?' I asked curiously, looking in her deep blue eyes, trying to get some answer straight from her mind like I was a telepath or something.

'I'm Kara, and you?'

'Peter.' I looked around again, still not understanding where I was or how I'd got here. But the place seemed familiar and I had a bad feeling about this. 'So no ideas, I guess?'

She shook her head, running her fingers through her short hair. `No. Last thing I remember... I was on the Harbinger, a Republic vessel to meet with Admiral Onasi. We'd been attacked and after that... nothing, I woke up here.'

I blinked in surprise as I heard her words. Then my surprise soon became worry and nervousness. _This_ _can't be happening to me. There seems to be a __lot of_ _trans-dimensional displacement happening recently here on FFN. If that makes sense..._

The day before yesterday I'd worked, then read some fanfiction, then watched SG: Atlantis until four in the morning, had to get up ten to nine to work twelve hours, then I watched some more SG:A, and then fell asleep. I'm sure it's just a very vivid dream... _BUT WHY DO__ES_ _MY NOSE STILL HURT_ _LIKE HELL?_ I groaned and leant to the wall and slowly slid down, muttering 'This can't be happening' and then started laughing like a mad man. I just couldn't understand this.

'Come on, get a grip on yourself! What kind of guy are you...?' She said and yanked me back up on my feet.

'The lazy miserable kind... Can I just wait here for the Sith assassins?' _They would kill me and I would just wake up._ She frowned at my words.

'What do you mean by Sith assassins?'

'Well, if I'm correct then you are the Exile, an ex-Jedi, the one, who annihilated Malachor V and lost her connection to the Force. This is the Peragus mining facility, under lockdown by a crazy assassin droid, waiting for his mates to give you a lift and collect the bounty. And, above all of this mess, in a few hours the Harbinger docks here carrying an army of assassins and a maniac zombie Sith Lord, whose sole purpose is to kill you... I think.' I briefed her in a sarcastic tone.

'And how do you now this?' She asked unbelieving, with a lot of suspicion, like she's just met with an idiot. An idiot who knows a lot of things about her, and the current situation.

'I played the game...' Ok, now she's looking at me like I'm the craziest man in the universe. 'Yep... where I come from you are only a video game character, and this is...' I looked around, inspecting my environment. '...this is not real. It's just the creation of Obsidian Entertainment, approved by Lucas Arts.' I finished, not realizing that I was almost shouting in the end.

'Okay...' She took a step back, and held out her hands in front of her in a protective way. 'Just calm down, you don't need to shout, everything's gonna be all right.'

'Okay Bob, don't worry about a thing...' I rolled my eyes. 'I won't hurt you, I'm just a little... disoriented? Distracted? Desperate? Defeated? Do you know any more "d" letter words that express my current state? Sorry, I'm shouting again...' I shut up and tried to stop myself from rambling any more. 'Just leave me alone... I'm going back to sleep and then I'll wake up in my own, uncomfortable bed, with the familiar spring stabbing me between my ribs.' I said as I lay down onto the cold hard metal floor and closed my eyes. Soon I felt a shadow projecting over my face, and I looked up with one eye.

'You know... denial is not helping.' She started as she crouched next to me. 'Let's say...' She touched her chin, thinking. 'Let's say, I believe you're not a deranged idiot.' She said grinning and I grimaced and mumbled a short "thanks". 'But, if you are telling the truth, that this' she gestured at our surroundings 'is not real, and you know what is going to happen, then say something that would prove it.' She asked, almost in a provoking way.

'I've just said a lot of things.'

'Besides that, I mean... that only proves that you know... particular events about my past and... have a very imaginative mind... You could be just a creepy stalker after all...' She said slowly, stopping many times in mid-sentence, gathering her thoughts. I rolled my eyes and sat up.

'Thanks for your "compliments" and...' I sighed in defeat. 'Okay, so you'd like a demonstration? All right...' I stood up and went to the door for the morgue. 'There are two bodies in there. One has a plasma torch and the other is a deceiving bitch who pretends to be dead. At first. Then she trains you as you reconnect yourself to the Force, then betrays you as Darth Traya the Dark Lady of the Sith. Well, actually that's only in the end of the game, so don't worry about it yet.' She raised a brow sceptically and turned towards the door.

'So you're saying that there's an old woman in the morgue who's still alive? All right...' Before she could enter the room, I caught her arm and stopped her.

'Don't trust her. She deceives you.' She didn't seem to take it seriously. 'Please.'

'To be honest, I don't quite believe you, but if you are right about this and she is alive, then... I'll be careful.' I let her arm go and followed her into the cold room. It wasn't like in the game. It looked like an actual morgue, much more like in the movies, a few big lockers on the walls, and a few tables in the middle. One was occupied by a charred corpse and the other by Kreia. At least here (in the future?) they didn't use any formalin or other preservative chemicals. _Believe me, they stink like hell._

'He has a plasma cutter that you can use to open the door in the hallway.' I pointed to the corpse lying on the table in the back. She went for it, her eyes glued on Kreia. I guess this zombie story I told her was a little scary. When she leaned over to search the corpse, Kreia finally sat up and pulled her hood over her eyes, then "looked" at us. First she glanced at me, and then turned towards Kara. _I'm still not sure if she can see under that hood, or... never mind._

'So you've come to search the dead...' At her coarse, old voice our former general visibly winced and looked back over her shoulder before turned her whole body towards the old woman. 'What made you commit such a shameful act?'

'You're alive.' She stated and looked at me. I just shrugged in an "I told you" way.

'I was resting, gathering strength. Meditating. Some could believe I was dead.' She said in an even, cold, raspy old lady-like voice. Well, technically she was an old lady, but it still seemed like an act. _She possibly practised it, recorded it, then played it back to analyse it and make it perfect so she can sound like an old, wise, creepy lady?_ I guess I never liked her. _Who could?_ 'It was me, who awakened you.'

'And what are you doing here and how have you got here?' Kara asked suspiciously. I think she's starting to believe me or at least a part of my story.

'I don't know child. There are questions I just cannot answer.' _Right like you would.._. That was when she turned to me. I could feel her mind probing mine, looking for answers. 'Who are you young man?'

'I'm Peter. Nice to see you alive, but we have to go... Kara?' I turned to the younger woman, holding out my hand in an inviting way.

'Go, find your answers, I shall rest here.' said the former-future Sith Lord (or Lady?) as the ex-Jedi walked next to me with the plasma torch in her hand. She was confused. Her eyes were moving between me and Kreia, not quite comprehending the situation. We stepped out of the morgue, leaving the old lady to herself

'Okay, let's say I believe you.' She said finally after a few seconds, deep in thought and stroked her hand through her short black hair. 'That was...' She just couldn't really find the words. 'What else can you tell me?'

'A lot of things, I guess.' I shrugged and leaned to the wall next to the stuck door. 'What do you want to know?'

'Everything?' She asked sheepishly and I couldn't hold back my laughter.

'Eager aren't we?' I said grinning, and then put on a more serious face. 'Look it seems fun and everything, but I think I'll skip this. This is nothing else but my mind's projected subconscious lusts in a very vivid dream. And when I wake up, I'll be back in my bed and forget this in a second.' I said to her, still not knowing how I could be here if it wasn't a dream. I've sure read a lot of KoTOR self-insert fanfics recently... _but if it's a dream why not enjoy it while it lasts...?_

_I could do a million things here. It's way cooler than my shallow grey life back in Earth. Okay, this is still Earth, because it's just a dream and I__'m_ _lying in my bed at the moment, but I mean... fuck it's confusing. There is no proper explanation how can this be happening, so yeah, it's definitely a dream. And it's mine, so I can do anything I want. If anything bad would happen to me then I would just simply wake up, so no worries._

_But __what_ _if it's not a dream__?_ _If it's somehow reality, a weird impossible one, then there are much worse dangers waiting for me, than waking up with a start. But still... it's time to live man, enjoy __it while __you can!_

The next thing I saw was her hand waving in front of my eyes, and then she snapped her fingers. 'Hey, anyone in there?' She asked, annoyed that I zoned out for God knows how long. Or the Force knows... just to keep up the formalities.

'Yeah sorry I was just thinking.' I replied, my eyes tracing a narrow pale blue paint line on the floor and still thinking about my current situation.

'And?'

'And what?'

'What were you thinking about?' She asked impatiently. _Well she wasn't the statue of proper Jedi traditions and beliefs after all..._ 'Are you going to tell me more?'

'No, I'm going to do this.' I replied and gently grabbed her by the waist and the back of her neck, digging my fingers in her still slightly wet hair. A second later our lips met, and I was kissing her passionately.


	2. Chapter 2

Well... next chapter.

I'm not sure how's it gonna work. I'm not sure how you like this style.

I don't know if anybody ever parodied Mary Sue/ Gary Stu but now I tried it. (and keep trying in the next chapters, throughout the story :))

Also there are different kind of references to songs, performers, games, movies, books and such. Tell me how you feel about it.

Now let's continue the story...

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><p>She just stood there frozen as I was kissing her. When she finally put her brain back in gear, instead of kissing me back, I got a fist in my face with such a force that my lips met with the nearby wall as well.<p>

'Don't do that again!' She hissed and shook her hand, trying to ease the pain. I was just holding my abused head in my hands, and cursing loudly.

'Jesus girl, chill out...' I groaned and felt my whole face was going numb from the pain. 'Ah... why does it hurt so much?' I was almost shouting in frustration. 'This shouldn't be happening... I can't believe it's real...' I turned to Kara and looked up at her face.

'Of course it's real you moron!' She replied, still annoyed by my previous action. 'I prefer not being a fictional character you know...' She came to me and removed my hands from covering my recently bruised face. 'Let me have a look.'

As she touched my bleeding lip, I felt some kind of energising force wash over me, starting from her fingertip. She immediately withdrew her hand wide eyed, looking at it in disbelief. 'This can't be... I've never felt it in ages...' She muttered as she observed her hand.

'You can feel the Force again.' I said and she looked at me shocked. She was staring at me, not saying a word for a long time.

'But... but I don't think I want to...' She stopped and was lost in her thoughts. 'Last time... I just couldn't...' Her voice was very soft, quiet and full of regret. _She wasn't this.. cowardly? No not a good word. She wasn't this... helpless in the game. She's just accepted it and went with the flow. I guess Obsidian left out the more personal scenes from the game. _I grabbed her shoulders, making her look at me again.

'Listen. It's your fate. You're going to become one of the strongest Jedi in history. You have to accept this, you can't just... back out. The fate of the Republic depends on you.' I tried to reason with her, but it just seemed to make her more miserable.

'So the lives of millions depends on a crippled ex-Jedi.' She stated flatly. 'Thanks, I needed you to put a "little" burden on my shoulders...' was her sarcastic reply emphasized with her air-quotes. 'I feel much better now.'

It was her turn to lean against the wall and slide down onto the floor. She pulled her knees under her chin, hugged her thighs and stared forward with a blank expression. _Maybe it's not a good idea to share everything with her. I thought it would work out better if she were aware of the future - or a possible version of it -, but maybe it's too much to just dump it on her._

I sat down next to her, unsure what to do. I was never good with this kinds of things. For minutes, nothing happened. I was just sitting next to her, staring at the opposite wall, still trying to find out what to do, when I felt her hand touch my face. I turned to look at her and found her inspecting my bruises, gently stroking my cheek, with her fingertips. I felt the former rush of power washing through my body, and the pain eased.

'I'm sorry I hit you, I hope it feels better now. I was relieved now that I heard her kind voice again.

'No, I'm sorry that I kissed you.' I said a little embarrassed. 'I wasn't thinking, I...'

'It's okay, leave it.' I nodded and and she removed her hand. 'Let's get going. My ass's frozen here.' she said with her lips curving upwards and I couldn't stop grinning.

Since when do the Jedi use this kind of language?'

_'_I don't know. Which Jedi do you mean?' She looked confused and innocent.

'Okay, I get it.' I smiled at her and stood up. I extended my hand to help her up and felt the familiar energy lashing out from my hand and she almost flew into my arms. I looked at her surprised and immediately let her go. 'Could you stop doing that? It's creepy...'

'It wasn't me, it was you.' She replied, watching me with curious cautiousness.

'Yeah me... so now I'm becoming a Force-sensitive Gary Stu in my own dre... I mean...' I grabbed my hair in frustration and started pacing up and down in the corridor. 'Just please take me home!' I said desperately as I looked up at the ceiling praying for some (random) higher being .

'Come on, stop whining.' She asked me visibly annoyed, and rolled her eyes.

'Oh shut up! You just did it a few minutes ago...' I snapped back at her and I stopped in my tracks. 'Sorry, I didn't meant to...'

'Look, we have to work together. It looks like you are stuck here from wherever you've come so instead of making this even more difficult, you could help me!' she said standing before me, staring deeply in my eyes and stabbing me in the chest with her finger. _Damn, she can be bossy._

'I'd like to help, but I'm not sure it's good to share everything that I know.' She took a step back and tilted her head to the right

'Why the secrecy now? You pretty much told me everything just half an hour ago.' She rested her weight on one leg just like Hawke usually did and crossed her arms under her breasts.

'OK, what if I wrong? What if I say something that's gonna happen, we prepare for it, but it comes out in a totally different way and we're screwed big time?' I tried to explain my motives. 'I'm not saying I won't share vital information, I'm just saying we shouldn't rely on that alone.' She seemed to consider this and finally nodded.

'You make sense... so what now?'

'No. no-no... You are the leader!' I pointed at her just to emphasize it. 'I said I'll help you but not telling you what to do.

'Fine!' She hissed looking at me like she wanted to beat me up. _Note to self: Never piss off this woman, it's damn scary! _She turned around to face the closed door, but then an idea crossed my mind. _Maybe..._

'Wait. First tell me how I can do this...' I extended my hand and tried to pull the plasma torch out of her grasp, but nothing happened. She was looking at me expecting something to happen.

'And what is it you are trying to achieve?' She asked innocently, with her lips curving slightly upwards again. _Have I ever said that I hate it when she does that? It's cute, but seriously... don't laugh at me. Don't even smile. It's embarrassing._

'Oh you know exactly... tell me how it happened, please.' I pleaded, desperate to find out how this... Force-thingy happened.

Now she was almost grinning and turned her back to the door, facing the corridor we've come from. She threw the plasma torch in the air and before it dropped to the floor, she stopped it in mid-air.

'It's hard to... I never tried to explain it.' She levitated the tool back in her hand and kept it on her open palm. 'Do you remember the feeling when I touched your lip, or when you pulled me up? Try to recall that feeling, let it wash over you, let it guide you. Extend your senses, feel.'

I tried to do as she said but I didn't really feel anything. Maybe it's only my imagination and it wasn't even me who did that. Maybe her, unconsciously. And now I'm making a total idiot of myself.

'Ok... that's disappointing...' I said embarrassed and lowered my hand.

"_Do it again!"_

'Why? It's pointless.'

"_Do it. What you feel, happens. What you imagine, you become. You will see."_

'Okay, okay, just don't nag me.' I replied and tried the trick again, letting my instincts take over. At the next second the torch levitated into my hand and I was just standing there with eyes open as big as saucers, staring blankly at my hand. 'This is creepy...'

'By the way who you were talking to? That was creepy...' She said looking at me confused. I raised my brow.

'To you of course.' But then it dawned on me, and my eyes done Cameron Diaz again. It was a male voice, a deep - well not so deep, just middle-deep, or 2/3 deep, a good, strong manly, but not the perverted-drunk kind of deep – voice in my head. Hope not Jason Derulo's... 'Okay I'm definitely going mental.'

'Are you all right?' She asked as she stepped to me looking at in my concerned.

'Just let me sum it up, OK? First I woke up here... ' I just let it hang in the air for a few seconds ' I stuck here, then I have this garystuish Force-sensitive stuff, and now I hearing things. I'm so fucking not all right, thank you very much!' I replied out of air and shouting in the end. 'Sorry again. I have this bad habit, that I start shouting when I'm angry and nervous.'

"_I don't want to hurry you guys, but I think you have about 2 hours 'till the Harbinger gets there, so do something productive, will you?"_ I heard the voice again.

'And who the fuck are you? Could you leave me alone with my many other personalities in my stupid head, please?' I asked desperately at the edge of a mind-meltdown.

"_What do you think smartass? Now shut up and listen!"_ _I have a bad feeling about this. I think I know who this guy is_. I held up my hand and whispered to Kara.

'I think I've got a long-distance call...'


End file.
